Even the bartender felt bad for me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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