He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
