Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
