my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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