He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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