I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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