i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
