He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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