hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
