Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
