First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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