It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
