He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
