I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
