i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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