Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
