sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
