If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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