I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
