So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
