Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
