I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
