This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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