I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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