The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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