Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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