so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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