what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize