So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
