Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
