guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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