a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
