her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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