Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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