i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
