and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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