the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
