so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
