my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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