You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
