your thong is hanging out like whoa
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
