He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize