After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
