dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
