the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
