It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
