Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
