omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
