So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
