I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
