Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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