problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
