I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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