I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
