i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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