Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
