It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The adults are the big ones right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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