It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
