he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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