M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
