I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
